Anatomy of an UES Family
by GG4life
Summary: Chuck and Blair might be getting a divorce&Blair might be in love with someone unexpected.Serena and Nate are married but Carter's back. Dan's a single parent. Bad summary but please read it because it's actually really good and includes all couples.


"Carter, what are you doing here?" asked Serena as Carter Baizen walked into her living room. "Hello beautiful. You seem excited to see me." He answered with his signature smirk. Serena glared at him as Carter made himself at home. "Carter, shouldn't you be running your empire and not be here?" "Relax Serena. I'm only here to pick up my son." "Oh well he should be home soon." said Serena, completely changing her tone. "You can wait here if you want." she said smiling at him. Serena was thrilled that Carter wanted to spend more time with their eight year old son Sebastian. When Sebastian was born, Carter and Serena were living on a vineyard in the Spanish countryside. Carter was an amazing father but that changed once him and Serena broke up and Carter started his company. Over the years, the more successful Carter became, the less time he spent with his son. It broke Serena's heart…..and Sebastian's. To Sebastian, Carter was a god. He worshiped his father and refused to think anything negative of him.

"So how's Nate doing?" asked Carter with a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Nate's actually at work right now. He should be home soon." Serena said trying to warn Carter that he should leave by then. Carter and Nate weren't exactly on the best of terms. "And the baby?" asked Carter remembering Serena and Nate's 2 year old son. "Well he's not so much a baby anymore. He just turned two. I can't believe he's growing up so fast." "Well you look gorgeous, Serena. No extra baby weight on you. Nate's a very lucky man." Serena laughed. "Well you know I don't gain a lot of weight during my pregnancies." "Oh I remember all right. With Christopher, you gained most of the weight in your boobs. I remember that kept our sex life quite interesting." Carter said with a sly smile. "Well that was a long time ago Carter and you haven't seen me naked in years." Before Carter could respond, the maid announced there was someone there to see Serena. Dan Humphrey walked in. He looked the same as usual except older and a little worn out. Carter had heard his wife Vanessa had died a few years ago and since then Dan had devoted all his time to his son Cedric and his numerous New York Times Best Sellers.

"Dan what a surprise! What are you doing here?" Serena asked, surprised to see her ex-boyfriend and former stepbrother stepping foot on the Upper East Side. "Serena, I'm having a problem with Cedric. Your son Sebastian and Blair's son Lucas have been bullying him at school for about a few months, and I want to put a stop on it. I would go to Blair but ever since me and Blair had that thing a few years ago, Chuck would kill me if I stepped within a 100 feet of her." "Well Chuck and Blair are on vacation anyway so Lucas and his sister Audrey are staying with us for the week. When the boys get home we'll talk to them about it. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Serena asked as she called her maid Hilda to show Mr. Humphrey out. "Serena, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. You're son and nephew are bullying my son and you don't seem upset about it at all." Dan yelled. "Don't yell at her Humphrey." Carter yelled back at Dan. "Boys will be boys. We've all done worse things at their age." "Excuse me but since when are you an expert on parenting? The last time I heard, you were barely there while your son was growing up." "I've made mistakes but I don't think that's any of your business." As Carter and Dan continued throwing insults at each other, Serena decided she needed to stop this. "Listen Dan, we'll talk to the boys about it. We're sure it's just a misunderstanding. They boys are so young. They were probably just joking around. I'm sure no one was hurt."

"WHAT? Serena why is it so hard for you to understand this? Be a parent for once and lay down the rules for your kids."

"Um excuse me, are you calling me a bad parent as well? For your information, my son is sweet and very intelligent and I don't need you here to tell me how I should raise my child."

"Yes, Serena because you and Carter are just amazing parents. You especially Serena. You're very responsible. You went to college for about a year and a half, and if I remember correctly you slept with all your teachers so you could get your diploma. Then instead of getting a job and starting your future you ran off with Carter to some vineyard in Spain and had a baby out of wedlock. Yes, I'm sure you could call yourself responsible." Dan said sarcastically.

"Are you calling my son a bastard?" demanded Carter.

"Are you calling me a whore?" asked Serena. "You know Dan, this is exactly the reason we broke up. You could never accept me."

At that moment, the boys came rushing into the house. "Dad!" screamed Sebastian as he joyfully ran into his father's arms. "Hey buddy. How have you been? I've really missed you." And Carter had missed his son. Although sometimes he didn't show it, his son meant the world to him. He loved him beyond imagination. "Dad what are you doing here?" "Well I have some exciting news I need to share with you, so I thought I would take you out to dinner and we could spend the weekend together." Sebastian's eyes lit up with joy as he ran off to go tell his nanny to pack up his stuff.

"Serena, the boys are here now. How about you talk to them?" Dan asked with a steely voice. Serena called the boys into the living room and asked them if they had been bullying Cedric. "Nope." said Sebastian. "Aunt Serena, we weren't bullying him. We were only joking around and having fun." added Lucas as he looked at Serena his dark doe eyes. His eyes were everyone's weakness, and Lucas knew it. He used them on everyone including his father Chuck. "See Dan, I told you. They're just having fun. Nothing to worry about." "Serena, the boys are clearly lying to you. I can't believe you believe them." "Dan is it so hard to believe that maybe your son is lying to you?" asked Serena. "Cedric never lies." Dan responded angrily. "Well neither do Lucas or Sebastian." said Serena. "Serena they are the spawns of Chuck Bass and Carter Baizen. They are masters at this stuff. At the mention of his father, Lucas pounced on Dan and kicked him in the nuts. "Don't ever talk about my father like that. He's Chuck Bass." Sebastian ran and tackled Dan who was already down. " See? This is exactly what I'm talking about." Dan screamed as the kids continued pouncing on him. As Dan screamed in pain, Carter started laughing. Serena couldn't contain her laughter either and she also started laughing loudly. Just then the baby started running out into the living room as his nanny chased after him, screaming in French.

Just outside the the townhouse, Nate Archibald who was just arriving home after a long day of work, paused to listen to the noise. "What's going on in there?" he wondered to himself. He walked in to find a most unusual sight. Dan Humphrey, his wife's ex boyfriend was on the floor clearly in pain while his nephew Liam and his stepson Christopher were tackling him. His wife's other ex boyfriend, Carter was also in the room cursing at Dan who was yelling back at him and Serena. "What the hell is Carter doing here?" thought Nate. Just then Nate's son ran to him with his screaming nanny running after him.

"Well this is wonderful." Nate sighed. " A bunch of my wife's ex boyfriends are here for no particular reason and there are a bunch of screaming children everywhere. Yes, this is exactly what I want to come home to after a long day of work."


End file.
